Sunday, November 21, 2010

Always Playing Ketchup...


Ok, so what I meant was playing CATCH-UP. But I do love Ketchup. I could put it on almost anything. It is the king of all condiments. And really, what is food without a good sauce to dip in or drizzle on?
It seems as though life is whizzing by at the speed of light and I just can't seem to keep up. It is Thanksgiving week. Luckily, I am not hosting; Which means I can darken the doorway of someone else's house and enjoy the yummy things that they have prepared. I will, of course, take a dish to pass.
We met some friends out for dinner last night. They are fellow "infertile warriors." For those of you who know me personally, you may be aware that we are (and have been for quite a while) taking a journey through the world of infertility. It's weird. I never thought I would ever have a problem starting my family or have a problem once it happened.
Here's how it actually went for me...It's really the natural course of life. I found someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with; After about 3 years of dating, we were engaged; We planned our wedding and were married in 2002; We were married about 4 years. We were settled and began to wonder what the pitter-patter of little feet would add to our lives. We stopped "not trying" to have a baby and just thought we'd see what happened. Fast forward 4 years - that's where we sit today.
About a year ago, we made our first visit to the doctor's office. We were poked and prodded to reveal - nothing. We fall into the "unexplained" category. If you ask me, that basically just means that there's a problem, but they don't know what it is. It's just not one of the standard reasons.
And every time I go to the doctor's office, I see faces that are not wrinkled and spotted by age. They are young, just like me. Which makes me wonder, why is this happening to all of these YOUNG people?
We are at the stage where we are taking a more invasive approach. I am responsible for injecting drugs into myself - which I never thought I could do, but seriously isn't so bad. I'm not saying that I enjoy it. I still don't know how people do this for fun (i.e. drug use) but whatever.
So I guess, what I am trying to say is life has been busy. And that's why my postings have become so frequently infrequent.
But, when you go through this and you start to talk to others that have been through it as well, there is a crazy thing that happens. Everyone feels exactly the same. And, the experience is the same. The feelings are the same.
So if you know someone going through this, here's what I have to say about how they feel:
1) They will never stop blaming themselves or asking what they did to deserve this. They will question if they are being punished and there is nothing you can say to disprove this thought.
2) They probably don't expect you to understand what they are going through. Unless you have dealt with infertility, it is impossible to know what it's like. However, people going through treatment do expect you to consider their feelings when you COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR OWN CHILDREN! It is highly probable that once they start their family, they will also complain about how they would like to ship their children off to a foreign country, if but only for a short while. But at this time, it is EXTREMELY hurtful to hear others b**** and moan about something that seems so unattainable to them right now.
3) Unless they bring it up, don't ask. If there is positive news to share, it will be shared. They will not interpret you not asking as lack of concern. Bringing up the topic only leads to advice that we have heard over and over including but not limited to:
-"Just relax. It will happen."
-"It's just not the right time. It will happen when it's supposed to."
-"You'll be a mom, even if you have to adopt."
-"Have you tried....(insert advice here)?"

Well, that was a lot of fertility talk...but, that's my life right now.

Tomorrow is my day off, so maybe I will spend some time in my studio creating. I also must take that dreaded trip to the grocery store to buy the things I need for my dish to pass. Ugg!

Hope you all had a great weekend!

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